


Picking up Chicks 101: Drink!

by thirteenbythirteen



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/F, Just gals being pals, Making Out, One Shot, Set after Endgame, carol and valkyrie get absolutely drunk off their asses, slightly canon divergent, what's the opposite of a slow burn? this is that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-07
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-10-11 15:01:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20548085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thirteenbythirteen/pseuds/thirteenbythirteen
Summary: After landing on an unknown planet, Carol runs into her favorite two Asgardians. It just so happens that this "unknown planet" is Asgard, slowly falling apart but still containing salvageable things -- like the liquor!(Liquor does strange things; such as untapping one's full gay potential.)





	Picking up Chicks 101: Drink!

**Author's Note:**

> This is slightly canon divergent in that at the end of Thor:Ragnarok, Asgard is blown to a million little pieces. This is not the same here.

Carol worked alone, and she was okay with that. In the few decades she’d been roaming the galaxy, she’d met a few people, made a few friends, but never stayed long enough to make lasting relationships. That luxury was reserved for her very best friends back on Earth. 

She’d visited many worlds and planets, but there were thousands, probably millions, and she was discovering new ones every month. Despite her aforementioned “working alone” policy, she’d even picked up some recommendations from the Avengers on places to check up on. The decimated planets had hurt -- it was an awful feeling being the only living person on the planet’s surface. Some were full of life, lusher and more vibrant than any place on Earth. The few that were really interesting to Carol generally belonged to neither of these two, and she only stumbled upon one every few years. 

The place she was in now seemed like it fit into the first category. She had landed not thirty seconds ago and she already knew it was desolate. Instead of leaving, however, she chose to walk through the ruined streets, passing a gilded arch here and there that showed the old riches of this place. 

Every so often, as she walked, a chunk of ground beside her rumbled, melted, and disintegrated, cascading into darkness. The place was coming apart, but slowly. Slowly enough that it would be a long time before the last chunk went away, which meant she had all the time she needed to look around. It was hot here, and it was obvious why. Little fires still burned around her, which meant that the destruction that had happened here was not too long ago. 

Carol couldn’t remember the name of this planet. It was somewhere in her memory, she knew it, but she couldn’t bring it to mind. She hadn’t chosen to come here, she’d just kind of landed. 

She kept wandering, up steps that crumbled behind her (welp, no going back), through covered hallways that looked like they might fall on her at any moment, and into the great hall of a castle that looked like it had seen better days. There were long, winding stairs and hallways to get lost in. Just as she came to a sharp corner near some cascading steps, she heard voices. 

Immediately her senses went on high alert. She readied herself to fight. Hadn’t this place been abandoned? There were fires, and melting buildings, and even a couple bodies here and there. Who in their right mind would be back here, and what did they want? 

(She ignored the fact that _she_ was here, too.) 

Around the corner walked Thor, looking a little better than the last time she’d seen him, with his hair neatly combed and his beard trimmed, and wearing a cloak instead of those awful sweatpants. He was toting what appeared to be a large wooden children’s wagon behind him, loaded with various trinkets and things. His gaze was cast downward, but he soon looked up and saw Carol, still poised for battle, standing confused in the middle of the hallway. 

“Oh, hello!” he said jovially, his smile stretching wider as he saw her, pointing one finger casually in her direction. “Are you here to help us? Look, Valkyrie, it’s Captain Marvel!”

A face framed by dark hair popped out from around the corner. “Excuse me, what is she doing here?” 

“I could ask you the same question,” Carol said, lowering her defenses and fighting to keep her face still. _God, she’s hot._ She’d met Valkyrie for only a split second in the heat of battle, and then it had been dark and the Asgardian had been covered in all sorts of blood and dirt, and Carol hadn’t looked that great herself. Even then, she’d felt a sort of funny sensation in her chest when she’d seen her, and (mostly) forgotten about it until now. 

“We’re, uh, salvaging what we can from Asgard,” Thor said.

“Asgard?” 

“Oh, yeah, this is Asgard. What’s left of it, anyway--” he looked around cheerfully “--’cause it was pretty much destroyed by Surtur, and we figured that after he’d burned himself to a crisp we’d come take a look at whatever he left behind.” 

“I thought Asgard was destroyed in a firey ball of… fire,” Carol said, a bit skeptical. 

“Most of it was, but it turned out better than we thought it did,” Valkyrie said. “Obviously it’s slowly melting itself away but hey, at least we still have whatever the fuck this is.” She held up a golden piece of metal engraved with designs.

“It was my mother’s breastplate,” said Thor. 

“See? Very necessary items,” Valkyrie shot back at him. She looked pointedly at Carol, and Carol’s heart did a little hop-skip-and-a-jump. 

“Come join us!” Thor grinned, picked up the wagon, and began walking down the stairs, oblivious to Valkyrie’s remark. 

Valkyrie shook her head and shot another look at Carol, but this time it was a look that asked, _Please?_

…

Carol had expected the floor below them to be much of the same thing, but it was what appeared to be a long hallway, half-melted, the polished granite surfaces still remaining glinting with blue light. One or two artifacts still remained on their plinths, but there were a few puddles of silver near the walls. 

“Look, the Eternal Flame.” Valkyrie pointed it out to Carol. Thor was walking ahead of them, stopping every so often to peer closely at something. 

“Can we bring it with us?” Thor asked. “It seems fine!” 

“Obviously not! It’s burning a hole through the floor! You try picking up some fire and bringing it to Earth and see how far you get!” 

“Is this it?” Carol asked.

“No, no, the really fun stuff’s just past here.” Valkyrie winked, and Carol cracked a smile. 

“Fun” was a bit of an understatement. They passed through a door cut into the stone wall (that looked like it had once been secret, but now just looked like part of a crappy haunted house) into a looong room filled with metal shelves of antique-looking bottles. 

“Behold,” said Valkyrie, grinning, “the liquor storage.” 

“Wow.” Carol was legitimately impressed. So far, Earth had surprisingly surpassed most other planets in liquor strength, but she was always down for a good taste-test. 

“You’ve got this room?” Thor asked, already walking by. 

“Yeah, we’ve got it.” Valkyrie popped the cork off an amber bottle and took a swig. “Strong. I like it.” 

She handed the bottle to Carol, who accepted it and drank. Valkyrie was right; it was _very_ strong, and it burned all the way down to her stomach. And yes, Valkyrie was right again: it was_ awesome_. She looked Valkyrie in the eye, smirked, and downed the rest of the bottle in a minute, containing her grimace and letting the fire wash through her. Valkyrie whistled. “Wow. What do you say to a drinking contest?” 

Carol grinned. “You’re on.” 

… 

Carol had always been able to drink her Air Force friends under the table (with the exception of Maria on her good days), and with her powers, it had made her intake level even stronger. So as they slowly made their way through a row of various shapes of bottles, grabbing the best ones to take home and “tasting” the second-best, Carol expected to easily outdo Valkyrie. But Valkyrie had a liver of steel, and she chugged her way through bottles even more than Carol could. At this point, they were both more than a little woozy on their feet. 

“You,” said Carol slowly, pointing in Valkyrie’s general direction and trying in vain to stop herself from slurring, “are -- and I’m only going to say this once -- on_ fire_. Like that--” she pointed at the bottle “--and that.” She gestured up and down Valkyrie’s body. “You are..._hot_. And I’m _not_ going to lose to you.” 

“_You’ve_ got a hot little ass yourself,” Valkyrie said back, causing Carol to spit a bit of liquid back into the bottle. She stumbled forward, and knocked the bottle out of Carol’s hands. It shattered on the floor, and they stared at it for a moment, before looking back at each other and laughing. 

_Pretty laugh. Pretty eyes. Pretty teeth. Pretty girl. _

Carol suddenly was struck with an urge. She reached out one arm and pulled Valkyrie close, then mashed her lips against hers. Valkyrie pulled back, stunned for only a second, and then grinned and kissed her back voraciously, pressing her up against the corner of the shelf. She dropped the bottle that was in her hand to grip Carol’s arm as they kissed. Being shorter, Valkyrie had to turn up her chin to get at Carol’s lips, and she pulled on Carol’s arm as if to hoist herself up. 

Carol’s right hand was twisted in Valkyrie’s hair; and her left was on Valkyrie’s back, pulling her close against her. They pulled apart for breath, but then went back to kissing, making out so furiously that they had to move away from the shelf to avoid destroying any more bottles. 

At the moment Thor came back into the room, his wagon trailing behind him heaped with valuables, Carol pulled away, both of them breathing hard, Valkyrie’s longer hair tangled and Carol’s suit partially undone at the neck. 

They both looked at Thor, who had an expression on his face that could be best read as _Yeah, I expected this_. He collected the bottles that they had set aside and added them to the wagon. “Come on, you two. We’ll be back.” 

…. 

Thor flew the ship, as neither Carol nor Valkyrie were in any state to drive. They sat on the floor, drunkenly talking in hushed voices and often stopping to kiss some more. (Occasionally, one of them would get up to go heave in a bucket, but it barely killed the mood.)

Maybe when they’d sobered up (which would probably take the whole trip to Earth and then some), they could go on a date. Valkyrie would probably enjoy fighting that big armored monster on Cortellus 5 with her. They’d get some whiskey for the ride back. 

Carol worked alone, but now she was plenty willing to change that.


End file.
